Two

MY KIDS AREN'T HOME RIGHT NOW.  This is a fairly unusual situation.  Not only that, the husband is at the gym.  He's working on being the next Marvel superhero.  He is determined to get super muscly.  

So of course, I'm eating waffles for dinner.  My kids are 10 and 11 -- due to poor planning on our part -- but part of me feels like maybe I'm the one who is 10.  Back in the day, when dinosaurs roamed the earth and I was a kid, my parents would leave me home alone even when I was 10.   They would go to a friend's house for dinner or run to the store and wave goodbye to my sister and I.  My sister was 14 and officially "in charge".  For whatever reason, as soon as the front door would slam, we would bolt for the kitchen and see what we could get into.

My mom was a hippie Mom -- we used veggie salt, fructose instead of sugar and bought our groceries at The Golden Carrot.  She fed us chocolate zucchini cake and in one stroke of genius once tried to convince us that spaghetti squash was the same as spaghetti pasta.  It was NOT GOOD and it was NOT the same.

However, we also discovered that our all natural, whole foods Mom, had secret pockets of actual sugar.  If you dug around you could find real chocolate -- not the disgusting carob that she tried to tell us was exactly the same (it is NOT).  Sometimes, in order to find the good stuff, you had to venture beyond the kitchen, and dig around in her dresser drawers.  Now, I recognize that this was wrong, but drastic times led to drastic measures.  Our biggest find were store bought plastic containers of frosting.  "Just one spoonful."  We would tell ourselves, but pretty soon we lay on the couch like beached whales, nauseous with an empty frosting can between us.

To this day, my husband makes fun of me because I get salt and pepper mixed up.  "Pepper is black.  Salt is white."  He tells me, shaking his head like I'm crazy.  I've explained to him that salt was most definitely not white in my house -- it was brown or sometimes a dark green.  

Of course, now hippie mom is a grandma.  When my daughter was six months old, I caught my mother feeding her whip cream -- FROM A CAN!  It wasn't even homemade and all natural!  "What are  you doing?"  I asked her.  "Oh, she loves it!"  She cooed and proceeded to give my daughter ANOTHER finger full of creamy sugar.  

So now, I'm home alone, and cruising the cupboards for something delicious and forbidden.  Never mind that I started the day running like a crazy person at the gym.  Never mind that last night I ate veggies for dinner -- trying to finally be the "skinny girl" at work.  Now, I've got one hand on a brand new can of funfetti frosting in my hand, and the other pushing back the curtain to make sure my Mom -- I mean my kids don't catch me eating the good stuff.  I guess deep down I'm still 10.

--Jen