IT IS TIME. The count of "It's almost pumpkin spice season!" posts is already at six on my social media feed, so it is time for us to have a talk. Now, there are many people who mistakenly believe that I hate the taste of pumpkin. I do not. I loved pumpkin pie up until fairly recently when someone pointed out that the texture of pumpkin pie is exactly like the texture of baby food. Yummy pie ruined.
But this whole pumpkin thing needs to be addressed. Quick style.
Here's the thing, when my grandmother was a girl in Indiana, she looked forward to getting an orange every Christmas. It was a big deal. If she had social media back then she probably would've posted somewhere around December 1st, "Oh, my gosh you guys! Orange season is almost here!" I wouldn't have begrudged her this. Her posting about orange "season" would've been legit.
This whole pumpkin thing isn't. It is not legit, and y'all need to quit. For reals.
Back when my Grandma was a girl, travel was a lot more complicated, and so if you lived in Indiana where it gets really cold in the winter, you didn't have a lot of fruit and veggie choices. It was a simple fact. 1. Oranges only grow where it is warm. 2. Indiana is not warm in the winter. 3. Flying an orange to the local Piggly Wiggly was expensive. Do the math, humans. Oranges were a luxury and were only available during certain times of the year. You could NOT grow an orange in Nebraska in the middle of winter. Oranges had a location and a season.
But what about pumpkins, you ask?
It's kind of the same thing. We live in modern times. We can grow any fruit we want, any time of year we want, in any state we want. We can manipulate the environment and grow pumpkins so huge, you can use them as a carriage for a princess. We can take those pumpkins and send them anywhere on the planet for a relatively low overhead. We can have pumpkins all year long.
And for the record, your pumpkin spice latte doesn't actually have any pumpkin in it - at all. It comes from a syrup that they keep in the back, until it is "pumpkin season" again. I get it, for some of y'all it is all about celebrating the season and that's cool. But on the other hand, the Great Overlords of Flavor control what we consume, and when they finally release our yearly allotment of pumpkin flavor, we clap of our little fingerless-gloved hands together, and take a selfie wearing our fall beanie, holding up this gift from the controllers. I for one, will not be duped, and isn't just because I don't like flavored coffee AT ALL or that I usually just get an Americano with room for cream. It's about being a sucker who simply takes what is handed to them, and gratefully says yes.
I suppose it is my inborn rebellious nature, but come on! You tell me that I can ONLY have pumpkin flavor certain times of the year, and I'm supposed to shout with glee and say, "Thank you"? I don't think so.
In a larger sense, it is a ridiculously American problem. We never dig deep. We accept things at the surface and that's enough for us. We look at a pair of Lululemon yoga pants and say, "Those are pretty." Never mind that the company has had some serious issues, and possibly a strange and oppressive culture. We shop at Forever21 and never research how the people who make the clothes are treated. We order shrimp at a chain restaurant and never bother to ask if the shrimp was processed by slaves. We accept that only at certain times of the year are we allowed to sip our pumpkin spice latte.
People at work love to pick on me about this whole pumpkin thing. They bring in pumpkin cake, and pumpkin bread -- they offer to buy me a latte. Most of them think I hate the taste of pumpkin, not that I hate the idea of it. I really love a good pumpkin bread.
Listen, it's fine. You can post your photos, and tweet your tweets, but I thought you should know two things:
1. You are being duped and manipulated.
2. I'm shaking my head at your post.